Taking action

It has taken me 15 and a half month to finally pluck up the (the what? courage? confidence? skill?)…the whatever to go into the nursery and organise a babysitter for some upcoming events we have. 

This isn’t to say that Alby hasn’t been left with anybody else before – I’ve been to a few Hen parties, weddings and work events in the past year which have required babysitters but I’ve always run to my parents, Mark’s parents or my best friend for help.  And whilst they have always been amazingly accommodating let’s not go pretending that we live in the same area at the moment.  Such occasions have always required a significant amount of train / road time for at least one person and I'm still conscious of how truly indebted I am to my family (which includes in laws and close friends) for their help. 

15 months and 16 days.  I appreciate that this is a Friday and I should be keeping things light but the question remains – what is this neurosis all about?  And possibly more importantly, how come it has taken me until today to really identify it?

I absolutely hate putting other people out.  I think I can be so rubbish and I feel so uncomfortable about saying “no” to things that I assume that everybody else goes through the same emotional tumult in the same way.  When I presented Shannon with my list of dates I opened the conversation with “I know some of these are really big asks so please don’t feel obliged with any of them, I have other people I can ask too”.  That was my opening sales pitch to somebody who has a/ said that they were happy to babysit on weekends and evening and b/ will be getting paid a decent salary for the pleasure. 

Even when the dates were agreed I responded with “are you totally sure because I know that one is a really long day so if you don't want to do it that's fine".  I ask again, what is wrong with me?

The story repeats itself later that same day when I went into town to pick up some travel brochures but I’m honestly not even going to go into that little trip or I’ll have the men in white coats at my door quicker than I can say “phobic avoidance”. 

Anyway, not wishing to leave my post on a totally freakish note I am happy to report that I have managed to secure childcare for my upcoming meeting in Liverpool, for the concert we are attending in May and for the Summer Ball (go me!) .  Plus I booked out a random Monday evening when Mark gets back for us to go out for dinner together.  I’ve got a date in Harrogate still to fill but I’m still counting today as a success.  What’s more, I’ve found a range of holiday options – so Happy Friday it be (albeit a slightly unhinged one).