Random Ramblings: moving on from Mama

I made a decision the other day that I want to start taking the steps to fully wean Alby. 

Up until now I’ve worked completely to Alby’s pace.  As he grows and takes in more and more food at mealtimes feeds have randomly been dropped until a couple of months ago we moved to a position where he only fed at bedtime and in the night.

His recent bout of sickness led to four days where he didn’t eat at all returning instead to feeds only. I was happy to be there to nurse him – there’s something very precious about it.  With the return to nursery came the return of lunch and for the past two days he has happily chomped away at breakfast too. However, dinner is still of absolute no interest to him.  Cooking him a meal, offering it to him and having his cry in my face and tug on my jumper wanting a feed over what used to be his favourite meal has proven seriously emotionally challenging for me.

In a nut shell it makes me feel like he has taken a step backwards in his development and that by allowing him to feed I’m aiding and abetting this regression.  Now obviously that is total piffle – he went through a really nasty illness, it takes time to recover and feeding not only gives him the nutrients he wants but also comfort, reassurance and all those other happy chemicals.  But you try telling me that when I’m watching him completely diss the meal he would have been reaching out for just a week before.  This evening saw him in floods of tears and me tense, angry and close to crying myself during the stand off as I tried to get him to take anything rather than me - food, sippy cup, bottle.  Whilst the whole saga can’t have lasted more than ten minutes it felt like hours and just reinforced a feeling I’ve been having recently that I think it’s right for me to come up with other ways by which he can get comfort and love and nourishment.

Whilst breastfeeding is known to create an amazing bond between mother and baby it also puts a bias towards to mother.  I simply don’t see how you can have equal parenting if the baby is exclusively breastfed.  (Yes I know daddy’s can do their bit too but whilst you can’t read an article on breastfeeding without the word “bond” appearing every five words I’ve yet to read anything which puts nappy changing and bonding together and I’ve read a lot.)  And when Mark gets back I want him to be an equal parent.  I want him to be able to comfort Alby, to be able to put him to bed and to be accepted as a principle and equal carer.  And I want all that to apply not only when I’m out of sight but when I’m in room too. 

And so, I’m going to start taking very small tentative steps towards getting Alby fully weaned.  For the next two weeks I’m going to go completely with the flow.  I’ll have a bottle of warm milk around in the afternoons but as Alby is still getting over a nasty bug I’m going to follow him. 

Come the beginning of March, I want the afternoon feed dropped and Alby having a bit of warm milk from a bottle each day. This is where time, creative thinking and tough love will all be needed.

From the middle of March I want to move onto a bottle at bedtime and I’ll work on that until Mark gets home.

And then with Mark back and here to send me to bed early, encourage me during the night feeds and help lessen the load during the days, we’ll try moving the night time feeds to bottle feeds too. 

Where we are after that we will work out then.  I’ve got a slight bee in my bonnet over the fact that the NHS recommend you continue feeding until two years, but we will see what Alby makes of it all.  I'm also conscious that we're ultimately wanting him on a sippy cup rather than a bottle, but I think moving from me to cup will be too much of a jump, so let's allow my baby (and me) to take baby steps.