Self soothing

Read any baby guide and it will say that the single most important factor in being a parent is to get your baby to self settle.  Forget whether he or she smiles, eats well or hits his or her developmental milestones in a timely manner.  If your child can’t self settle then you have essentially failed as a parent.

Well, hand’s up I’ve failed on that basis as Alby hasn’t self settled since he was about 3 months old.  Since then our routine has been one of a feed with a story and if that doesn’t knock him out then he has a little play in his cot until he gets grizzly at which point he feeds more.  Once asleep I do my best to gently drop him into his cot without disturbing him too much.  Failure to do so just means a little bit more time feeding. 

I just don’t seem to be able to accomplish the whole “feed them until drowsy but not sleeping” – Alby simply cries if I try to break the latch before he is ready. Or will accept it for ten minutes and then wake up fully and be standing up in his cot by the time I have mustered the energy to go to him.

Alby has never taken to sucking his thumb, has never had a dummy, has never taken to a comforter and has a mother who refuses to go down the “cry it out” route and so, the only way to suck to sleep is either on mama or on his bottle.  As such, I find myself in the school of parenting that supports feeding to sleep.

Now, I have done the research which supports this.  Advocates highlight that it allows babies to slowly learn to self-settle as and when they are ready, removing any stress chemicals and allowing for a more secure and independent night time sleeper, and a healthier child all round.  I’ve read the articles, I agree with the logic and yet I still spend every bedtime concerned that I’ve simply chosen the path of least resistance, that Alby will still need to feed to sleep when he is five years old and that, in a nut shell, I’m dong it all wrong.

Either way, I think we might be turning a very small corner.  Whether it’s because of his recent stomach bug putting him off food or just him getting older a new, very subtle step has been added to the bedtime routine.  After the feed and story I have been placing him in his cot for a play and to wind down.  Rather than getting grizzly though, he’s been trying to fall asleep; lying down, squirming about, rubbing his eyes, drifting off and then waking up.  Once he starts crying out I pick him up and give the final feed which will send him into the land of snoo, but the point is not the final feed but the middle stage.  Maybe I’ll be reporting one day that the middle stage is now the end stage.  And what a clever boy he will be then.

Not only has a stage been added but last night I finally went to bed at a sensible time and so was with it enough to keep track of Alby’s bed time activity.  He went down at 7:30pm, woke with a start at 8:10am – no idea why but very distressed.  He woke again at 9:45 – I think disturbed by me going to bed, and then didn’t wake again until 3:50am and again at 7am.  Clever Monkey was able to sleep the whole night in his cot too.  Bless his sleepy self.